People get into romantic relationships for many reasons. Some of such reasons include, to have a partner that can fill-up the gap of their emotional emptiness and loneliness. Some engage in relationships to get married, and others to feed their lustful feeling or experiment their romantic fantasies.
There are also many who go into relationship for gains such as making money, receiving unexpected surprises, getting free rent, visas or whatever gains they see on the table. Unfortunately, one can also marry or fall into a serious relationship as a result of social or peer pressure.
"A serious relationship is any romantic bond which partners become so committed to each other for a long-term mutual goal such as marriage or other forms of conjugal partnership."
Although not every relationship has a meaningful ending, any relationship irrespective of how it started can transform into a serious one, even marriage. Finding oneself in an affair that one did not prepare for can pose serious emotional questions or result in frustration.
While most relationships have clearly defined goals from the onset, it is not always easy to conclude what the other partner thinks about the relationship. This is because even those who come to take advantage of one another through relationships don't usually express their objectives at the initial stage.
It is important to know if you are ready for any form of serious relationship that can lead to marriage before you begin it, otherwise, you may encounter failure and great loss. Not been ready for the responsibilities, marriage and the possible outcome of a serious relationship can pose great challenges that can affect the individual involved or the unfortunate partner.
Why You Must be Ready Before Getting into Marriage or a Serious relationship:
- No type of marriage or relationship can be successful if both partners are not ready to make it successful. Therefore, you must be ready for the job or do not begin it.
- Marriage and relationships come with responsibilities and such responsibilities require the efforts of both partners. Taking such responsibilities require consent before one finds himself in it.
- Getting into marriage or a serious relationship when you are not ready can lead to regret and frustration for both partners.
- Marriage may influence your lifestyle or even change it, and such changes can be hard to bear. Therefore, it makes sense to acknowledge such adjustments that follow marriage before you say yes to the proposal.
One of the major expectations of a serious relationship is marriage, and if you are not ready for marriage it might mean you have to pause the relationship for a rethink.
These are signs that you are not ready for marriage or any serious relationship:
1. You don't care about anyone's opinion:
If you are someone who does not care about others' opinions or feelings, you are not yet ready for marriage or any serious relationship. marriage requires partners to be considerate and empathetic about what the other partner says or feels. In marriage your partner can always give you an opposite opinion. An I-don't-care attitude can doom marriage or any relationship. So, it is better you stay on your own instead of wasting your energy or some other person's time in the name of relationship or marriage.
2. You keep falling in love with the wrong people:
Do you find yourself always falling in love with the wrong people? If "Yes", it is a sign that you are not ready for marriage or a serious relationship. Constantly falling in love with wrong people means that you lack the ability to make the right choice in choosing a partner. Such poor decision-making attitude can dangerously affect your marriage life if you begin one. If you cannot make a good choice since you began, what makes you think this particular choice is not part of your consecutive wrong choices? Instead of rushing, take a break and ask yourself this question before you proceed in that serious relationship.
3. You cannot respect anyone:
Both marriage and relationship require mutual respect; if you are not ready to offer one, then you are not ready to get into it. Such respect may not be clearly defined but it is about respecting each other's feelings, boundaries, and personality. In most cultures, the man is seen as the head of marriage and such cultures require the wife's submission as well requiring more from men. It is therefore important for you not to marry at all if you are not ready to submit or respect your partner as demanded until you are ready.
4. You want someone to complete you:
Most people get into marriage and relationships because they want to feel complete or solve their emotional loneliness. They want someone that will always be there to tell them nice words and offer them flowers every day. Unfortunately, marriage is not a bed of flowers. At some point in marriage and relationships, your partner may not really provide the emotional completeness that you expect. When this happens, you may seek an outside friend to play the role. This can lead to emotional affair, even cheating that is harmful to the relationship. Therefore, it is important to learn be strong and complete before you get into a serious relationship.
"Placing your strength on someone else makes you volatile."
5. You focus too much on love and relationships over your personal life:
Placing relationship and marriage on your head over personal growth and development means you are not ready. Any outrageous need in life can be dangerous. Instead of spending too much time hunting who will marry your or who you can begin a relationship with, place much value on yourself. It does not mean that you should not keep searching but don't think your partner will bring solution to all your problems. Not doing this can make you fall into the wrong hands. This is one of the mistakes people make in relationships.
6. You don't have handwork or source of income:
Marriage and relationship come with serious responsibilities which mostly require money. As a man, you will take up some responsibilities as a father and as a husband. It is a great mistake to marry or get into a serious relationship when you do not have income source or means of supporting your partner. You need money to buy birthday gift and even engage in mutual projects, otherwise, the load is going to be too much on one person. If you don't have money and not working, don't marry, you are not ready. People do not eat love. You need to first learn a skill, find out how to make money, go to school or secure a good paying job.
7. You are too emotional:
You can predict the future of a relationship, but your prediction may not always be accurate. Any successful relationship is a function of two people (both partners) working together. This means that one person's effort may not make a relationship or marriage successful. Therefore, even if you are an angel, anything can still happen that result in breakup or divorce.
Divorce and breakups come with serious emotional traumas and disappoint that only strong minds can bear. Some have fallen into depression while others have some sort of mental health challenges that take them time to heal. Besides these two uncertainties, any other thing like death of partner or other relationship or family crises may set in, and it all requires resilience.
8. You expect too much from marriage or a relationship:
Expecting too much from a partner, marriage or relationship means you are not ready to get into it. No one has the world to offer it to you when there many others living here as well. Think about it, if the definition of your choice of husband or wife seems nearly impossible to find or abnormal, then you need to wait, you are probably not ready. If what you call a wife sounds like a maid or servant, you as a man are not ready for anything serious. On the other hand, if your brain defines a husband in an odd way, sorry, you are not ready to get married, not even for a serious relationship.
9. You have never had a heartbreak or encountered a big disappointment:
This might sound weird but as ugly as heartbreaks feels, it helps a lot in future relationship. It makes you strong and ready to bear uncertainties in your future relationship and marital life. Also, having an experience of heartbreak helps you to correct your fault and understand the value of a good partner. Challenges may come amidst your marriage; it is your previous experience of disappointment or challenges that can help you know how to handle it. People who do not have negative experiences in life prior to marriage can misbehave when tough situations surface in their marital and family life.
10. You can never compromise nor forgive:
Any serious relationship may require a partner to compromise at some point, but most compromising situations occur in marriage. Someone will have to drop his/her ego to say, "I'm sorry!" to settle a misunderstanding. Someone might need to cancel a trip or take a partner along when it would be inconvenience. Besides, having to compromise, forgiveness is very important in any relationship, and it is just part of the compromising requirements. Therefore, if you feel like it is wrong for you to let go somethings for your partner, then you are not ready for marriage or a serious relationship.
11. You want everyone to dance to your tune:
No matter how your level of expertise in manipulating people or controlling them, they will come to realize themselves later. Therefore, there is no way everyone will do as you say all the time. Your partner, whether male or female will always take independent decisions that may not align with your order. So, if you believe a typical partner must accept all that you say, you are simply not ready for marriage or any serious relationship.
12. You are easily manipulated:
Making yourself easily manipulated means you are not yet mentally matured for a relationship or marriage. If you get married with such a weak mental faculty, you might be overused or taken for granted by a partner. It is even hard to know the right person because you can easily be manipulated to accept the wrong person. Another disadvantage of being cheap to be manipulated is that you can cheat out of choice. You are supposed to have a standpoint, know what you want or not before you get into a serious relationship.
13. You can easily be turned on:
It is normal to have a weak point, but self-control is every important. It makes you able to make the right choice with the right senses. When you have too many soft spots, it places you at danger of falling into the hand of a wrong partner. If a single touch can make you go crazy into accepting romantic activities, or losing your mind, you are yet ready to marry. Besides falling into the wrong hand because of sex, you can easily cheat on your partner. Hypersexuality mostly resulting from high sexual sensitivity is one of the main reasons people cheat in relationship and marriage.
14. You live a fake life to attract partners:
People come to you for who they think you are, but people only stay in your life or leave for who they realize you are. Your pretentious appearance can attract the opposite sex, however, even if they start a relationship with you, such relationship cannot last. So many marriages have collapsed for this reason. The fact that you live a fake life just to attract a partner means you are living to please people which means that you are not yet mature enough to marry or get into anything serious. In addition, living such a life can result in regret at your old age when you realize that everyone in your life were fake as well.
"You must learn to stand alone before you get into a relationship. You can't support someone else when yourself can't even stand independently."
15. You cannot stick to one partner:
If double dating is your name, you are not ready for marriage or any serious relationship. You cannot sleep around with multiple individuals and expect that to change drastically the day you get married. It is hard to repent from bad habit overnight. Instead of getting in there to frustrate your partner in a union that would not last, it is better you stay single to complete your mission before you get into marriage.
16. You are still Mama's boy or Daddy's girl:
When you get marry, you and your partner are forming an entirely new nuclear family. This does not mean that you should disconnect from your extended family, but it is wrong to allow a second party to dictate your marriage. This is because you have the role to make your family happy and settle issues amicably with your partner. If your mother is still the one to direct you how you treat your wife, then you are not ready. Only those who are mature enough to make independent decision and live independently from their parents are due for marriage and serious relationship.
17. You cannot adapt to changes:
"Changes are inevitable," they say, but post marital life changes are much more inevitable than you can imagine. Imagine having to abandon most of your singlehood lifestyle to fit into the life of another person? You may be required to change your food menu, schedules and goals, or even more serious personal life settings and habits. If you are not ready for these changes or adjustment, then do not marry and avoid any serious relationship.
18. You are antisocial and lack the ability to communicate:
Effective communication is very important among couples and partners. When you love someone, you should be able to have a level of freedom of communication. It is through this open mindset that you and your partners can easily resolve issues and have amazing conversation. So, if you are too introverted toward everyone, it makes sense to learn how to communicate first before getting into a blank relationship that no one can understand.
19. You cannot control your anger:
It is very important for you to learn how to control your anger and other negative emotions like hatred before you get married or have a serious partner. Poor anger management is one of the major causes of gender-based violence and physical abuse in marriage. It is wrong to hit your partner. Doing so come with consequences that can even be fatal or place the relationship on a time bomb. If you are violent, psychopathic or sociopathic, you are not ready. Don't marry.
In conclusion, there are several factors to consider before you marry anyone or get into serious relationship. Such factors include your compatibility with your partner. But the most important of it all is asking yourself if you are ready for that marriage or relationship. If you feel like you are not ready, then you are not. But even when you think you are ready, if you fall among any of the categories above, you are still not ready.