20 Worst Mistakes You Must Avoid During Courtship | Dating Advice

Worst Mistakes to Avoid Making During Courtship

 




Courtship is a period during which two people develop an interest in each other and engage in a romantic relationship before they get married. Courtship is also referred to as dating, however, dating has a deeper meaning. It means a period of spending time with each other to evaluate or understand one another.

The primary purpose of dating or courtship is to understand each other. It is also a period of rehearsal to build all the resources and approvals marriage demands.

Many date for romantic purposes, and sometimes, end up without marrying themselves. However, courtship in this context denotes a relationship that prepares both parties for marriage.

During courtship, people sometimes make mistakes that either lead to a break-up or a regretful marriage. Such mistakes result from insensibility or the overwhelming obsession with romance over the actual situation of the relationship. One needs to avoid such mistakes to prevent a life that ends in persisting regret.

The following are the worst mistakes you must avoid making during courtship

1. Overlooking red flags:

One of the worst mistakes people make while dating is to ignore red flags. Once you continue to see signs that the courtship will not work, do not ignore it. If you suspect it, go deep into it to know if it is a sign for you to take a cover.

Red flags or warning signs may come in different forms. If your partner bullies you or maltreat you, it is a dangerous sign. Physical abuse shows that he/she does not truly love you or he/she is a psychopath. You would not want to spend your entire life with a nasty person.

If your partner engages in illegal activities and crime, it is also a red flag. People who are into crime are dangerous. You may not be able to change them. The way forward is to take a step to spare your life.

2. Getting blinded by love or money:

A lot of people become blind during courtship because their dating partners offer them everything they need or because they love their partner so much.

Do not let love, money, or whatever bedazzle you while dating because it will end in remorse. Without money, what else can your partner offer to you? Does your partner love you the same way you love him/her?

As a lady, you do not only need a man who can purchase sugar and tea for you or a man who disperses money to you but a man who is man enough and can play all the roles of a father in your future family. Think about this, what if there is no more money, what contribution will that same spouse make in your life?

3. Pretending to be who you are not:

It is best to be genuine in any relationship. Do not feign to be who you are not. A relationship goes better when people express their real identities.

The problem with pretense is that no matter how long you impersonate, the real you will surely surface someday. Let your partner know you just as you are.

"Anyone that can love you as you are will love you more at your best."

Dating is a period to know and understand each other, it is not a time of gratification. It is dangerous if after dating for years, you become a different person in marriage. It can destroy the marital home and end in regret.

4. Accepting ambiguous relationship status:

It is good to avoid everything that is not clear to your understanding.

If there is any statement concerning the future of your relationship, it must be apparent. Is he/she going to marry you? The answer must be “Yes” or “No”, not a controversial reply.

It is dangerous and a great mistake to date someone for years who you are not sure about how it is going to end.


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5. Failing to set life goals and timelines for the relationship:

This is another aspect of your relationship that must be clear during dating. Once you both know about yourselves and agree to marry each other, set plans and future goals for yourselves.

What are your shared dreams? How are you going to cope as husband and wife if you finally marry? How many children would you like to have? What business or investment will you do if you end up together?

"Courtship is not just a game of romance; it must come with a more serious discuss."

Without proper planning, you may wake up to a marital life that is frustrating to you and a disappointment to your children. If you love the man, advise him about financial management and help him to plan for the tomorrow you both have to share.

Also, set a timeframe for the relationship. If you remain in a relationship for a set period and nothing comes out of it and there is no hope in it, walk out. Staying in a relationship for too long without a deadline can lead to frustration.

This does not mean you should abandon your partner in hard times, but watch if there is hope for both of you; ensure that you have a very good reason to stay or leave.


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6. Failing to share your dreams with your courting partner:

You must share your dreams. Tell him/her what you want to become in life, your financial or business ideas, and your aspirations. This will help you to know if you have common dreams.

Dreams can be a factor in determining compatibility during dating. If you are a working-class woman who wants to explore the world and grab new opportunities, you may not want to marry a man who does not want his wife to work.

If you do not share your dreams during dating, you may end up in regret because life changes after marriage.

7. Exorbitant expectation:

Many relationships, even marriages, fail because of excessive expectations. While dating, study your partner very well to know his/her real identity, character, and personality.

Do not expect gifts all the time or fair treatment. You are dating a human who has setbacks, not an angel that is so perfect. Do not always expect gifts or money, let it come from the heart.

Excessive expectation leads to ungratefulness and kills relationships. Once your partner realizes that you are an ungrateful person, he/she may not be deeply into you again.

You can tell him/her what you want or what you expect, but your mind should not always expect your partner to give you an entire world when he/she does not even have a mansion. Do not expect him/her to always be right otherwise you may become offended by every little slip.

8. Being disrespectful and egoistic:

The person you are dating is your probable future partner. You are partners and not in a master or mistress-servant relationship.

You might be richer, but it does not matter. Some people are richer than you out there but they find it hard to find a good partner. If you have seen one, cherish it, and do not allow your ego to destroy the blessing God has given to you.

Learn how to control anger because anger can sometimes lead to destruction in a relationship. Say “I am sorry” when it is necessary and keep silent when you can. Treat him/her with respect and love, like someone you may end up spending your entire life with.

Pride does not pay and has led to the downfall of many. Pride is one of the major contributors to the failure of most relationships and marriages today. Pride is also a reason many do not find good partners because “they go after their class”, not after what is best for them.

9. Being passive and too reluctant in the relationship:

You need to take full part and contribute as well in the relationship. Even if you are so poor that you have nothing to offer, offer words.

Your relationship may not end well if you do not devote to it. If your partner is the only one pushing for the success of that relationship, he/she may get tired someday and call off the union.

You have to avoid any attitude that can make you cry in the future after losing an amazing partner.


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10. Sharing extreme secrets with your dating partner:

It is okay to share personal experiences and other secrets that are necessary to enhance trust and strengthen your bond. However, it can be a great mistake to go beyond the boundary of what you should tell your partner.

Most people cannot keep secrets while many get scared and traumatized by terrible stories. By telling them your secrets, you are already harming your integrity and placing your relationship at risk.

The following are a few things that you may not necessarily share with someone during courtship:

  • You do not need to share how many times you got raped by unknown people.
  • Do not share how many abortions you have committed unless it is necessary.
  • You do not need to expose all your family history and issues about your biological background.
  • Your financial security information like ATM PIN needs to be personal during courtship. Share only if you are very sure it is necessary.
  • It is risky to share raw nude photos or videos. Online adult platforms are full of pictures and images from people who were careless about their privacy. If you do not want to see your naked self on a public screen someday, avoid exchange of extreme nudes.
  • Sometimes, it is not good to share your financial status because if you show how rich you are, you may not know when people truly love you. However, study your partner very well. You can read about tips to know when someone does not truly love you.
You can share your health status, your challenges, your past breakthroughs, and many other things that can help you grow in the relationship with respect.

11. Offering your all and being too obsessed while dating:

This may sound weird and absurd. You have to be supportive and active, however, do not give your all while dating as if you are already married.

Committing all your time and energy into a relationship during dating mostly ends up in regret. Dating should not make you forget where you belong, your family, your friends, and other things you have to do.

Most people will disappoint if they know you are too serious in the relationship. You see it as “love”, but they will see it as “frustration”. Let your time with your partner be on schedule, short but amazing.

"A longer time spent with a partner during courtship can become too boring and deems the fire that keeps the relationship burning." (Check the 12th point for clalification).

Let him/her know that you have other people in your life to attend to, and tell him/her about how you love your family.

Even if your partner is your everything, show the love but avoid any sign of obsession. You will have more respect in this manner.

12. Relinquishing personal goals and self-development because of dating:

Do not be so committed in the relationship to the point of abandoning your personal goals. People love those who have dreams and a future.

"If you abandon your life goals to someone in the name of love, that same person may abandon your love to someone else who has dreams."

It is good to keep on developing yourself through skill acquisition. The relationship may end but your achievement will always be with you.
Mistakes you should not make during courtship


13. Failing to accept the reality of the relationship:

Is your relationship going good or bad? What is going on in the relationship? While dating, it is good to see and accept the relationship just as it is.

Do not expect things to change, but things can change. If the person you are dating has bad behaviors, do not see it as temporary unless the person changes on time.

Things may get worst after marriage if you do not accept the reality and move to make changes on time. Things do not change by magic. Things change when you accept reality and act for the change.

14. Continuously forgiving repeated offenses:

It is good to be forgiving to your partner while dating; however, be mindful of what kind of offense you forgive.

If your partner continues to make the same mistake and commit the same offense, it is possible that he/she may not change. When it gets out of hand, show your annoyance. You do not need to laugh over everything, otherwise, you are joking with your life.

Courtship is the time to set things right and test if it will work. If there is no hope during courtship, there may be no hope in marriage.

15. Dwelling only on today and ignoring tomorrow:

A lot of people leave their relationships because of temporary challenges. If you cannot withstand simple challenges, you can never succeed in life because every aspect of life is full of challenges.

Do not let your partner’s current challenges make you run away from him/her. The only thing you have to consider is if there is hope in that situation. Even when there is no hope, do not abandon a good-hearted person because of temporary financial or health challenges.

While in courtship, see tomorrow more than today. Your partner may be in a bad situation today but if there is greatness in him/her, things can change positively in the future.

Mistakes in courtship and dating


16. Taking infidelity for granted:

Infidelity or unfaithfulness is one of the worst offenses in marriage. If your partner is fun of flirting around and having affairs with other persons, it is a serious red flag to leave.

Any person that can not be faithful during dating will find it hard to be faithful in marriage. The person can change after marriage, but charity they say, “begins at home”. No matter how forgiving and careless you can be, do not ignore infidelity.

The question is not whether you can bear it, it is whether you will be able to bear it for the rest of your life after marriage. Besides, an unfaithful person is a dangerous person. Aside from infecting you with Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) after marriage, he/she can place you in danger of attack by your competitors.

17. Double Dating:

Double dating means having two dating partners or being in courtship with two individuals. This is a great mistake you must avoid. It always ends in regret.

People double date for many reasons. Some do because they are scared of the consequences of losing a partner, hence, they want to keep two so that both cannot leave at the same time. However, others double date because of lust, or because they cannot just be satisfied by a single partner.

Whatever the cause of infidelity, it is bad. Double dating is the onset of unfaithfulness in marriage. Many bad habits people have today began as simple practice. Also, that you date two people does not mean that both will not disappoint you.

Double dating will not allow you to take time in studying your relationships very well and may lead to wrong choices during dating. Moreover, there is a great possibility of disappointment and public shaming if both parties realize that you were double dating them.

If the relationship does not work, move on; do not frustrate or place others in danger because of your selfishness.

18. Submitting yourself as a sacrifice to please your partner:

While in courtship, your partner has no right over your body. He/she has no right to force you into sexual activities out of your consent.

It is a great mistake to turn yourself into a romance doll to please someone who is not your husband or wife. There must be a limit to where your partner can reach while you both are dating.

Exposing all the secrets of your privacy during courtship reduces your worth and value. In our society today, people believe in testing and competing to prove their sexual potency, and that is why most relationships fail. It should not be a ram of sacrifice.

If you see the need to know yourselves before marriage, there must be a good reason. There is much pain in trying to please someone sexually and in the end, the person dumps you as trash.

19. Taking serious words for granted:

While dating, almost everything matters. If your partner keeps repeating the same statement over and over again, take note of it and treat it seriously. Treat good statements positively and responsively; if it is a bad one, take note as well.

Many sometimes express their beliefs and inner personality through their words. For instance, if your partner keeps saying that he/she hates people from your tribe or race, it is a serious statement. Your relationship may not end well if there is tribal or racial animosity between both of you.

20. Moving in to live together with your partner before marriage:

One of the worst mistakes you must avoid during courtship is to move in with someone who is not yet your husband or wife. Many fall victims to this mistakes because they think the best way to trap someone they love is to move in together. This does not always end well for so many people.

As a single person, who is not yet married, you need time to commit to yourself. You need space to plan, think and focus on other things. Moving in with someone can alter the strong feelings you have for each other.

The reason most people are not married is because they are not yet ready for it. By moving in with them, you create a pressure they were not set to bear.

Moving in can reduce the value your partner have for you. You are supposed to only live together after marriage to preserve your integrity.


Dating and Courship mistakes you should avoid



In conclusion, dating is a great opportunity to build bonds between both of you before marriage. It is not bad to engage in courtship but it is wrong when both parties abuse the primary purpose of dating. Love should be the main reason you choose to be together, however, while you love and plan to settle together, it is pertinent that you avoid making certain mistakes that may cause you to regret making them in the future. Until you are married, you are not yet husband and wife. Marriage is the stepping stone against dating challenges, until then, you have to be sensitive.
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