The family is supposed to be the most united unit of the society; not only because members are closely related by blood, but it is a small body which members most likely share common values. Although the structure of the family mimics a larger institution, it is more accessible and much easier for family members to understand themselves over other members of the community.
An ideal family is also supposed to have an advantage of living peacefully and happily within its members. Unfortunately, not all families have been able to accomplish family goals. Some family members have become their worst enemies and consume each other with rage.
Causes of Hatred Among SiblingsSeveral factors contribute to rivalry among siblings and family hatred as a whole. However, the following are some of the notable ones:
- Poor parenting: When children are not well trained, they lack manners that can enable them to associate peacefully with other family members. Such misbehavior can lead to dissociation or rivalry among siblings who may not find it comfortable being around one another.
- Simple Misunderstanding: A little misunderstanding can lead to a serious rivalry among siblings. Unfortunately, there must be misunderstanding but it all depends on how it is being handled.
- Peer influence: What the children see others doing either in school or in the neighborhood can shape how they behave among themselves. Parents play vital roles in raising their children, but the society have a huge influence as well.
- Ideological changes: When people are exposed to other beliefs, ideology and information, they are likely to change their attitude. This can be bad news if such a child is exposed to negative ideologies which can affect how they treat other family members.
- Unforgiveness: when the siblings do not forgive themselves the probability of them hating each other is high. Unforgiveness is one of the major causes of rivalry among siblings and other family members.
- Lack of family values and ethics: Moral values enable people to know what is right or wrong. When this lacks, siblings can even hurt themselves without knowing. This may feel like something to ignore when they are still young, but as they grow older, the bad memories may continue haunting them.
How to Settle Children Rivalry and Avoid Family HatredIt is important to avoid hatred among family members because having a happy family is one of the most important things in life.
1. Learn to understand each of your child:
One of the strongest weapons in winning war against hatred in the family is being able to understand each of your family members. Understanding your children, for instance, will enable you know their strength and weak points. This will make it easier for you to know how to approach them to settle issues between them.
2. Teach your children common moral values
Moral values play vital roles in shaping the family and the society at large. Simple rules like “Do not steal”, “Do not fight”, “Do not kill”, can go a long way. The implications of not having such values in place is that the siblings will commit them and end up hurting themselves. When people get hurt, they respond to it and such response may be paying back or hating their offenders.
3. Be attentive and sensitive
Most parents make the mistake of ignoring their children’s words and behaviors. Your children’s body languages when they are with one another can tell a lot about the state of their relationships. Whereby you realize that a certain child feels uncomfortable among other siblings or singled out, then something has to be done.
4. Respond to every single report
If a child reports another sibling to you, respond immediately irrespective of how ridiculous the report sounds.
5. Avoid impartiality but don’t be neutral
When you handle issues between your children, ensure that you listen very well to both sides. When you know who is right or wrong, be clear about it. Condoling a child without figuring out and plainly telling that the offender is wrong does not solve the issue. It either encourages the other sibling to repeat the act or gives the victim a sense of poor judgment.
6. Emphasize love and forgiveness
Emphasize and teach your children the need to love and forgive others and the danger of hatred. This should not only focus on loving their fellow siblings but everyone around them. When your children learn to love truly and forgive one another, they will find it hard to hate themselves and this will prevent rivalry.
7. Organize events to connect family members
In cases where siblings were brought-up separately, it takes effort for them to get to understand themselves. Therefore, it is the responsibility of the parent, especially the father, to always ensure that family reunion takes place.
8. Don’t express love if it is not a general one
Parents are fond of having besties among their children or sharing children among mother-father favorites. This does not help to unite the family members, instead, it only creates division. If you engage in such unbalanced love as a parent, you are indirectly making other siblings to feel forsaken.
9. Appreciate everyone
Express that you care about all your children and the role they play in the family. One child must always be the most hardworking or obedient. While awarding such a child is not bad, do not demonize the other siblings who do not meet up your expectations. Doing so will lead to jealousy that can result in others hating the "Holy child".
10. Make discipline a priority
Discipline your children when you go wrong. They need to learn the consequences of their actions and the reward of good deeds. Discipline them to respect others including their siblings. How they associate with other siblings can determine how they will behave around outsiders, after all, “Charity begins at home.”
“Train-up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” - Proverbs 24:6
A home without discipline will hardly live in harmony and love. One key factor to building a happy family is the presence of discipline.
11. Do not blackmail or abuse your partner
How you treat your spouse in the presence of your children can be a lesson to them. When you constantly abuse their father or mother, they too will think it is normal to abuse others.
12. Teach your children financial independence:
Several factors contribute to rivalry among siblings. While the excuse can be as big as the world, it all dates back to their upbringing. Therefore, as a parent it is important to nurture your children in a manner that they will not end-up hating themselves and causing divisions and chaos in the family as they grow old.