15 Compatibility Factors to Consider Before Making or Accepting a Marriage Proposal
Introduction to Marital Compatibility
Marriage is a lifelong commitment between two or more individuals who want to spend the rest of their lives together. It is a feat that requires partners to be compatible for the union to be successful.
Choosing who to marry is a huge decision that should not be taken lightly. And making the wrong choice in marriage is one of the worst mistakes anyone would ever make. This is because after God, your partner is the next in your life, if that is the best way to say it. He/she has a level of control over you whether directly or indirectly.
Although love is the most important thing in marriage, other factors play certain roles in whether or not a marriage will be successful. One of the most important factors to consider in marriage is compatibility.
Compatibility is defined as the state of being able to work together harmoniously. It is a collective factor that serves as a determinant of whether you and your partner fit each other.
It is important to be compatible with your partner in order for your relationship to be more easier and enjoyable.
Why Being Compatible With Your Partner Matters in Marriage | Benefits of Marital Compatibility
Compatibility is often overlooked in the early stages of a relationship, but it is one of the most important factors to consider before getting married because of the following reasons:
If you are considering getting married, it is important to take time in assessing your level of compatibility with your potential spouse. Being compatible with your partner will help to increase your chances of having a successful and happy family.
The truth is that most uneducated people have inferiority complex syndrome when they are around educated people. They might either feel timid or act weird around them. When you make a polite statement or correction, an uneducated partner may feel you are overshadowing them because they are not educated like you.
Conclusion: No one can be perfect enough to have all the qualities you expect from a partner. Everyone has faults and it is hard if not impossible to meet someone who has all the above qualities in your favor. You both were raised by different parents, in different environment and different upbringing. That is why it is hard to think and act same way.
- Compatibility reduces the risk of genetically transmitted diseases such as sickle cell anaemia in children.
- When you are compatible with your partner, you are more likely to share interests, values, and goals that will give rise to lasting love and happiness in your marriage.
- Being compatible with your spouse helps to improve communication, resolve conflicts, and increase satisfaction in the relationship/marriage.
- Compatibility is associated with a lower divorce rate. This is because when you are compatible, there is no way you will not be able to overcome every challenge that may come into your marriage.
- Compatibility leads to a more peaceful and fulfilling marriage.
- Compatible partners always have harmony in their marriage, therefore can easily work together toward a set goal.
If you are considering getting married, it is important to take time in assessing your level of compatibility with your potential spouse. Being compatible with your partner will help to increase your chances of having a successful and happy family.
Below are Determining Factors to Help You Understand If You are Compatible Enough to Marry Your Partner
There are several compatibility factors you should note before accepting or making a marriage proposal. In this blog post, we will discuss some of the most important points to help you understand if you and your partner are compatible to marry yourselves.
1. Physical compatibility:
The first factor to consider before even accepting a long-term relationship that may lead to marriage is physical compatibility.
Marriage goes beyond mere love. It encompasses romance which requires physical attraction to function. This is not about whether your partner is beautiful or ugly, tall or short, healthy or sick, or whether he/she is physically challenged. It is about you finding him/her satisfactory to you.
It requires that you assess the person's physical features to know if he/she is in the category of people you would be good to associate with as your husband or wife. Do you find him/her attractive besides other factors? If your partner does not look appealing to you, it can result in a serious setback in marriage.
If your partner reiterates a desire to marry someone with certain attributes which you do not have, it is a sign that he/she finds you incompatible. When an individuals are not physically okay with each other, they may find it difficult to stay faithful and happy with themselves.
When you meet people, it is important to consider values and other attributes over physical appearance. However, finding your partner physically attractive boosts the urge for romance and intimacy which in turn strengthens marital bond.
2. DNA and Medical Compatibility:
There are several medical tests one needs to carry out before getting married. Such tests include DNA, blood group/rhesus factor, fertility, and HIV tests, among others.
Medical compatibility test is a very important aspect one needs to consider before saying “yes” to a partner. This is because medical incompatibility can greatly affect one’s future marital life. It can also leave a scar that endures for generations.
DNA incompatibility, for instance, can result in children born with sickle cell anemia, a genetic disorder that causes abnormality in the formation of the red blood cells.
DNA means Deoxyribonucleic acid. It is a biological molecule that carries information from parents to their offspring through genes. The test is carried out to determine certain genetic factors that can lead to genetically related illnesses like sickle cell anemia in children.
After the test, the medic determines an individuals reference genotype as well as that of a partner. The result thereof can decide if both individuals can marry themselves.
Each partner can be any of AA, AS, AC, SS, or SC. While the first two pairs (AA & AS) are normal, AC is a rare genotype and the latter two (SS, SC) are irregular and anomalous genotypic conditions that commonly cause sickle cell disease.
In addition, while an individual with AA can marry anyone, other genotypes cannot marry themselves unless otherwise advised by a medical expert.
Note: We will deliberate expansively on DNA tests in our future post.
3. Ideological compatibility:
Ideology means a set of beliefs or philosophies attributed to a person or group of persons which may influence the way they act and respond to social or political issues.
What your partner believes and his collective philosophies about critical issues in society matter to you as well. What does he/she thinks about people of the opposite gender? What do they believe about vital issues in marriage, peace, racism, religion, and other socio-political topics?
If your partner has radical or antisocial ideas that are in contrast to yours, your marriage may face difficulty. Your partner should either think like you or host beliefs that can improve you and help your marriage. Any radical ideology can lead to unimaginable danger. Do you have the same goals and values? If yes, take the green card!
4. Sexual compatibility:
This is another important factor, if not the most important when it comes to marriage. Besides holding each other’s hands in public as husbands and wives, a lot goes on in the closet. Many marriages and homes have been destroyed because of issues relating to the couples being sexually incompatible.
Wondering how to know if you are sexually compatible with someone? This is probably the first question that comes to mind being that most religious and ethnic rules prohibit premarital sex.
The truth is that having actual intimacy is the best way to know if you are sexually compatible, however, with ethno-religious factors, you can still test sexual compatibility, even without sex through the following processes:
Simplest Ways to Know if You are Sexually Compatible with Your Partner
- Talk about sex with him/her: Discuss your sexual likes, dislikes, fantasies, and expectations with your partner. This will help you gauge how sexually compatible you are based on his/her feedback.
- Be honest and avoid pretense: Be honest with your partner about your sexual desires. This will help you figure out whether you are both on the same page. If your partner does not share similar desires and fantasies, he/she will be open about it. There is no need to pretend about this because pretense can be dangerous in marriage.
- Try new things: Experiment with new sexual activities and positions if you both are already in it. This will help you discover new things about each other's sexual life, and find out what turns you on. This is a restricted advice for those who have already gone intimate with each other. However, if your belief is against premarital sex, then apply other methods in this list to know if you are sexually compatible.
- Be open-minded: Be open to trying and hearing new things. This will help you learn more about each other’s sexual beliefs and make you understand yourselves. Even if you are not ready for sexual intimacy, do not find it offensive or react with ugliness when your partner makes dirty statements. Allow him/her to say it. It helps you understand his sexual expectations and personality. Talking about it with someone who might become your future husband or wife is not an offense and would not take away your pride and/or virginity.
- Communicate sexual status: Tell your partner about your sexual condition. This will help you both understand each other earlier enough. Tell him/her how much you would like it daily, or weekly. Are you a nymphomaniac, asexual, homosexual, he-female, she-male, impotent or have any related condition? Discuss it early before it is too late in the marriage. The fact is that if your partner discovers the truth thereafter, it is going to cause more pains to both of you. Therefore, early communication is the way forward.
Sexual incompatibility is one of the major causes of infidelity, unhappy marriage, and divorce, globally. Some want it done for hours or every day, while others do not want much intimate time. Whichever category you belong to, there is someone out there that matches your needs.
Note: There are alternative ways to still satisfy your partner if you are already married. Search and try them out.
5. Economic and Financial compatibility:
Money is much more important nowadays than it used to be in time past. Recent studies show that money can now buy happiness more than it had ever done. What do we mean? Money is very important in marriage. This is not about marrying a rich or poor person, it is about you and your partner accepting your financial status and setting plans for your financial survival, independence and stability.
You may not need to tell your partner the total amount of money in your bank but let him/her know your financial level before marriage. Do not pretend to be rich when you are not, otherwise, you may end up losing it in marriage.
Are you business-oriented? Marry someone who is either business-minded like you or someone who supports your business proposals. Also, examine if you can bear financial and economic losses together.
If you marry a partner who cannot stay by you when you are financially broke, you may find yourself in a marital mess. Marry your economic class or someone who can promote your economic culture. Only accept someone can always stand by you in every economic and financial season.
Marrying a rich person partner is not a guarantee that you are going to live a better life. Anyone can transform to a higher financial dimension and a better living.
6. Lifestyle and behavioral compatibility:
You need to either like or accept your partner’s lifestyle before you go in for marriage. It is hard for people to change their habits overnight because habits are built over time. Your partners lifestyle encompasses his/her habitual hobbies.
It makes sense when partners have at least a common hobby. It gives more reason to spend time together enjoying what you like doing.
If your partner smokes, takes drugs or have acentric behaviors, do not expect him/her to stop from the day you get married. Anyone can change but that is “a can-statement”.
Accepting to marry someone means that you like his/her character and way of life. If you have an adverse opinion about their lifestyles, the ball is in your court.
7. Cultural/Ethno-religious compatibility:
Marrying from any race, culture, ethnicity, or religion is not supposed to be a subject of concern, but the truth is that it matters. Some people are so radical about their religion to the level that they are not ready to accept people from other religious sects. This applies also to those who are racists and tribal.
You must know what your partner and the people around him/her think about your religious and ethnic background. If your partner is against members of your tribe, race, or religion, do not think you will be left out in such a generalized hatred. As time goes by, he/she will surely similarly treat you as he would treat your people.
8. Intellectual/ educational compatibility:
Some people do not care about their partner's educational qualification and/or intelligence quotient (IQ). Of course, it is not necessary but it helps to consider this in some cases.
Intellectual compatibility perspective: If you have a low IQ, marrying someone smart with a high IQ can balance you up. It helps when you need support or someone to give you wise advice.
When both parents are dull, the children may follow suit. Meanwhile, research shows that children inherit intelligence from their mothers.
The setback in this aspect is that if your partner is not a positive-minded individual, he/she can also outsmart you. It is therefore left for you to throw your card and pick your choice.
Educational compatibility perspective: There is much more to consider in this case but it is a matter of choice.
If you are an educated person, you should marry someone who is also educated. He/she does not need to have a higher degree like you to qualify but must at least have a school-set (O’Level) education. The reason is not whether you would be able to marry yourselves but it promotes mutual understanding.
The truth is that most uneducated people have inferiority complex syndrome when they are around educated people. They might either feel timid or act weird around them. When you make a polite statement or correction, an uneducated partner may feel you are overshadowing them because they are not educated like you.
Some partners may overly respectful thereby hindering the friendly atmosphere you both desire. The reason is that they mostly feel insecure because they think you are going to outsmart them.
If you are to marry an illiterate when you are highly educated, ensure you motivate and sponsor him/her through basic training on how to read and write. This will raise their morale and improve self-esteem.
9. Professional compatibility:
One’s profession may not matter in marriage. It only matters based on individuals involved. If your partner is working offshore, maybe spending months out, you must either accept his work situation or let it go.
Although getting married requires one to adjust lifestyle and behaviors, it is improper to marry someone and expect them to immediately change their careers just to favor you. Discuss this before you accept to marry him/her. If you do not like your partners work, consider how to change it, but it should not be forceful.
"Before marriage, your partner already had life goals and dreams. Marrying you should not darken his/her stars but should make them shine brighter."
If your probable spouse agrees to change the career, then you can go ahead. Also, career adjustment may be compulsory sometimes after marriage. This is because if your work required that you spend months away from home, you may need to either carry your partner along or make a pacifying shift.
10. Social compatibility:
Your partner must be socially compatible with you. Marry someone you can be proud of in the public, and someone who can be proud of you as well. Your marriage will be deficient if your partner does not accept you in the public.
Also, marry someone who can be like a friend and family to you. You must be able to catch fun and crack jokes with your partner, you are not in military zone.
If your partner treats you like a servant even before marriage, saying yes to such a spousal proposal can be a big mistake. Can your partner boldly tell someone about you as a fiancé/fiancée? Can you accept each other’s friends and hobbies? Consider all these before you offer or receive the ring.
11. Mental and Emotional compatibility:
Only accept marrying someone who has similar feelings toward you. Your partner should not only think of marrying you because of your love and seriousness in the relationship but because he/she needs you in his/her life as well.
One-sided relationship or marriage cannot end well because at a certain point, the over zealous individual in the relationship is bound to get tired and at that stage it can be hard to make things right again.
Also, your partner should be someone who fills your emotional gap. If you are mentally weak, you probably need emotional support. Someone who can encourage you when you are down. Your partner should be your power, support and strength.
Additionally, if you are ambitious or have big dreams about tomorrow, marrying someone with no-future plans, who believe in just today, is going to be a huge issue and can lead to a frustrating marriage life.
12. Family compatibility:
It is challenging to marry someone from a family that had a bad history with yours. Once members of his/her family hate you just because of past stories you heard or know nothing about, you have to reconsider your decision before saying yes.
You are not just married to your partner but going into an already existing family lineage. What matters most in this aspect is not what they say but what your part thinks and how you feel.
When people from warring families marry, they are prone to face two things, either they end up uniting their families or they lose it all.
The ball is still in your court!
13. Political compatibility:
Most people do not care about their partner's political viewpoints. However, it is important to consider this.
You can marry someone who does not belong to a similar political party or who has contrasting political ideas. There is no issue with it if you understand yourselves.
You can even turn your opposite political opinions into a subject that keeps you and the family lively. However, in a situation whereby your partner supports radical political ideas, tyranny, dictatorship, political religionism, wars, terrorism, racial supremacy and similar outrageous views, then you need a rethink.
People support what they feel is right. That your partner supports extreme political ideology can be a message of possible character change after marriage. That is when it matters to be politically compatible.
14. Language compatibility:
Language compatibility does not mean that you and your partner must speak same language. It means whatever language you choose to communicate in should enable you understand yourselves. This include verbal, body and behavioral languages.
Constant misinterpretation is dangerous in marriage. Your partner should understand your body language to a level and deviate your jokes from seriousness. It hurts when someone you love takes offense from play.
That your partner understands you does not mean that you should have ambiguous and questionable characters. No one is God to always read your mind.
Meanwhile, it is possible that you will understand yourselves better as you marry and live together for long, but try to differentiate ignorance from bad behaviors.
15. Age Gap Compatibility:
Most people give age difference the final consideration in choosing a partner while others place it at the frontline. But does age really matter?
The truth is that there is no relationship rules against marrying someone of any age. However, age matters in most cases base on one's purpose in the union. For instance, if your major focus in marriage is to have children, you probably should not marry a woman who have reached menopause.
Most researches suggest 1-10 years age difference as appropriate for marriage. But an ideal age difference between spouses for marriage is 5-7. While others think 1-7 years is the best age gap, the fact is that irrespective of age, marriage can be successful if you find a good partner.
In most cultures, age difference is always a concern when the woman is older. Of course, marrying a man in twenties when you are in fifties requires a level of faith for things to work out because one member may accept the proposal for selfish reasons.
Conclusion: No one can be perfect enough to have all the qualities you expect from a partner. Everyone has faults and it is hard if not impossible to meet someone who has all the above qualities in your favor. You both were raised by different parents, in different environment and different upbringing. That is why it is hard to think and act same way.
Meeting a marriage partner is a great thing for everyone. Even though you cannot find a true match, your partner should be at least 40% compatible with you before you can accept to marry him/her. The advantage of having a compatible partner is that it would make things easier for both of you to have a successful marriage.
You can still marry successfully even without being compatible if you understand and love yourselves, but love and understanding do not change one’s genotype or other vital compatibility factors. That is why considering this article is important.
Disclaimer: Some of the points in this article are highly opinionative but helpful.
Abas Obot
Abasiama Akpan (pen name: Abas Obot) is a creative writer who aims to inspire, inform and educate his audience. His major focus is on human capital development, forged by his educational background, passion, experience, and personal objectives. Founder: Inspired Scoop and Knowledge Trend Media. Social handle @Abasdgreat facebook twitter instagram linkedin email
